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‘Assassin’s Creed Valhalla: The Siege of Paris’ DLC Adds an Epic New Chapter to Eivor’s Adventure | Review

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‘Assassin’s Creed Valhalla: The Siege of Paris’ DLC Adds an Epic New Chapter to Eivor’s Adventure | Review

When Ubisoft’s Assassin’s Creed Valhalla first landed on shores all over the world, it promised players a chance to live out their own viking saga as the gender-fluid Eivor. There were bloody fights and river raids, sacrifices to the gods and backstabbing betrayals among friends and family alike, festivals, carousing, and more than a few chances for romantic entanglements. The sprawling, globe-spanning RPG was, perhaps, too big for its woolly britches. (I currently have 160+ hours in the game and still haven’t finished the main quest lines.) However, with the introduction of the DLC chapters “Wrath of the Druids” and “The Siege of Paris,” the latter available to play today, Assassin’s Creed Valhalla has found its footing, and Ubisoft may have found the path ahead for the franchise.

The core game of Valhalla takes the wolf-kissed Eivor on a journey of self-discovery and actual discovery of foreign lands in a bid for viking conquest. That adventure has taken Eivor from Norway to England, and beyond, including sojourns to Ireland in “Wrath of the Druids” and now Francia in, you guessed it, “The Siege of Paris.” But it’s these relatively short, contained, and breathlessly paced mini-adventures that really capture the original spirit of the Assassin’s Creed games and actually put some assassinatin’ back into the mix.

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Spoilers AheadRELATED: ‘Assassin’s Creed Valhalla – The Siege of Paris’: Here’s How to Get Started

The story of “The Siege of Paris” is largely a slightly skewed version of actual historic events in the late ninth century. The City of Lights, back when those lights were sputtering torches and flaming braziers, played host to quite a few sieges over the years. “The Siege of Paris” isn’t even the first viking siege to assail the city’s walls, though the narrative does reference the legendary Ragnar and his vikings’ successful sack of the city. But for Eivor’s own part to play, things get a little more complicated.


The new DLC kicks off from Ravensthorpe, your home settlement in England where the ongoing Sigrblot Festival is currently taking place. You’ve probably already noticed a new addition to your growing hometown on the outskirts just past the festivities themselves; that’s where you’ll meet Toka Sinricsdottir and her Frankish companion Pierre, your DLC quest-givers. Much like “Wrath of the Druids,” you’ll be able to come and go to your home base or the DLC setting at will, but for my money, the immersion really sinks in when you stay in one place and run through everything the DLC has to offer.

And there’s plenty to do in “The Siege of Paris.” The titular event occurs roughly halfway through your 10-15 hour playthrough, with a helluva buildup, a fun series of frenzied events during the siege itself, and lots of unexpected drama after it’s all said and done. We won’t go into story spoilers much here except where they’re important to highlight just how fun, fast, and frankly Frankish “The Siege of Paris” can be. But before we get into the main quest a little more, let’s talk about some of the new additions and side content.


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Running you about five hours, side content in this DLC is worth exploring. The missions aren’t quite as fun (or funny) as the ones in “Wrath of the Druids,” but they add a ton of context and content into the overall story. (Plus, the Ubisoft Montreal team has put a lot of loving detail into every pathstone and petal in “The Siege of Paris.” From the Plague District, to Poppy Fields, to Roman Ruins, yes you can see the reused assets from earlier Assassin’s Creed games, but put to use in ways that make you want to stop and explore what’s going on in each little ecosystem.)

RELATED: ‘Assassin’s Creed Valhalla: Siege of Paris’ DLC Trailer Reveals Epic Fights, and Lots of Rat Swarms

The best side content is found in running down Mysteries, which include a new group of elite Frankish Nobles, a Legendary Animal fight, and more contextual stories about the tumultuous time in 9th century France. Less great, however, is Pierre’s Rebel Missions, repeitive fetch quests or beat ’em up missions meant to raise the rebellion’s infamy; this doesn’t really seem to impact the overall story much, but there’s some extra loot to secure here (and it might even improve your rapport with Pierre himself). Oh, and yes, the cairns are back… but they’re not nearly as bad (or as brutal) as the newly introduced Rat Swarms mechanic.


As much fun as 100%’ing Paris and its surrounding districts can be, the heart of “The Siege of Paris” is in the emotional and historical conflicts among the power players. Eivor has been brought in to help Sigfred, Toka’s uncle, seek vengeance for his slain kinsmen and burn Paris to the ground, no matter the cost. Toka seeks to find a way to secure a truce (and a viking fleet’s worth of silver) and avoid unnecessary bloodshed. Frankish nobles like Count Odo, King Charles the Fat, and Queen Richardis have their own parts to play in that saga, and of course you’ll cross paths with them as Eivor in numerous ways. If you think too hard about it, Eivor’s saga leans more towards a soap opera in this telling, but it’s fantastic getting to have a hand (or a blade) in political proceedings here rather than only acting from the shadows or on the battlefield in a distant role.


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Make no mistake, however, there’s plenty of shadow ops and major fights to take on in “The Siege of Paris.” (I may have been overpowered for even the automatic difficulty scaling here, however; epic build-ups to anticipated one-on-one matches felt too brief and too easy.) The absolute best thing the DLC brings into the mix is the return of dynamic and varied assassination missions. Yup! The title of the game and the spirit of the originals is back in this DLC; you can actually skulk around the city, gather intel, and use it to infiltrate your way right up next to your assassination target. True, you can also bash and crash your way through the whole mission if you want to (or if things go horribly wrong), but choosing the more assassin-like options will treat you with narrative-driven cinematics and original dialogue scenes, plus a sweet kill cam for the final blow.

The overall story of “The Siege of Paris” was quite the enchanting one. You play a pivotal role in whether or not the vikings are successful (and just how much blood is shed in the process) and in what happens after the main event of the DLC. Other than reloading previous saves to see how different dialogue choices play out, I don’t think there’s an easy way to see how many branches “The Siege of Paris” has at the moment, but replayable missions may be available through the Mastery Challenges. There may actually be some weight to your actions and decisions here, something that “Wrath of the Druids” managed to do well by giving you agency over the story and avoiding the illusion of choice. I like that. And it’s the crown jewel in “The Siege of Paris” DLC, a worthy addition to Assassin’s Creed Valhalla and hopefully a sign of things to come for future titles.


KEEP READING: 9 Norse Mythology Games to Unleash the Ragnarok in Your Living Room

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Bullet Train Review: A Wickedly Funny, High-Octane Thrill Ride

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Bullet Train Review: A Wickedly Funny, High-Octane Thrill Ride

Brad Pitt leads a wickedly funny ensemble in a high-octane actioner loaded with twists. Adapted from the 2010 Japanese novel by Kōtarō Isaka, Bullet Train has a bevy of disparate assassins manipulated by a mysterious criminal mastermind. Stuntman turned action director, David Leitch (John Wick, Atomic Blonde), stays true to form with unrelenting bloody and flamboyant violence. The codenamed characters get downright verbose before beating, stabbing, and shooting each other to bits. The loquacious banter tends to run long, but the narrative always bounces back with sharp reveals. Strap in for a helluva ride.

Ladybug (Pitt) boards the overnight bullet train to Tokyo with a newfound sense of self. He’s chock-full of philosophy after recovering from a near fatal ambush. Ladybug ignores his unseen handler’s advice to take a gun. Surely any issues can be resolved peacefully. The job seems straightforward enough. Steal a briefcase with a sticker and exit at the next stop.

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Also on board are Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry) and Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), ruthless “twins” known for their brutal methods. Lemon is obsessed with the British children’s show “Thomas & Friends”. He reads people by comparing them to the anthropomorphized trains. The twins are escorting the previously kidnapped son (Logan Lerman) of a powerful gangster, the White Death (Michael Shannon).

None of the hired guns are aware of the Father, aka Yuichi Kimura’s (Andrew Koji), mission. He’s out for vengeance but foolishly runs into a deceptive figure. The Prince (Joey King) has a score to settle with the White Death. Meanwhile, the Wolf (Bad Bunny) joins the fray after his truly horrific Mexican wedding. He’s also ready for serious comeuppance. Ladybug quickly realizes they’re all unwitting pawns in a dangerous game. Someone has packed the train with killers for an unknown purpose. He desperately wants to get off but can’t seem to escape the carnage.


Related: I Love My Dad Review: Patton Oswalt’s Delightfully Cringeworthy Catfishing Comedy

Cast of Bullet Train

Bullet Train introduces the cast with splashy entrances that flashes back to their dark pasts. The murderous montages are informative but don’t fill in every gap. The script doles out more critical information as the bodies pile up. Alliances bounce back and forth as everyone wonders who’s actually pulling the strings. The whodunit element works well as the audience becomes embroiled in a series of betrayals. You don’t have a sense of the plot’s true trajectory until the third act. The film builds to a showdown that delivers a huge action payoff.

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Bullet Train has complex characters that each contribute slices of devilish humor. Brad Pitt preaching self-help and understanding is an effective gag throughout. Brian Tyree Henry’s constant comparisons to Thomas & Friends aren’t as comical but play an important role in the story. There are a lot of moving parts. Leitch, who worked as Pitt’s stunt double for years, is clearly fond of his players. He gives everyone a chance to babble incessantly. I would have trimmed the dialogue to be more incisive.


The action scenes are worth the price of admission. Leitch has a great eye for mixing stylized set pieces with intimate fights. He knows when to go big and small. You never feel let down by his pacing. There’s always the right amount of adrenaline to keep your pulse pumping. Bullet Train is another feather in a skilled filmmaker’s cap. Watch out for A-list cameos and a mid-credits scene.

Bullet Train is a production of Columbia Pictures, Fuqua Films, and 87North Productions. It will be released theatrically on August 5th from Sony Pictures.

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Bullet Train Review: Brad Pitt Has A Blast In The Silly And Badass Action Comedy

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Bullet Train Review: Brad Pitt Has A Blast In The Silly And Badass Action Comedy

If orchestrated properly, with adjusted stakes, tone, and atmosphere, there can be a beautiful, symbiotic relationship between intense action and comedy. A hero pulling off a rapid and vicious series of blows against an opponent can be savage and dramatic in one context, but it can also be so deliriously awesome that an audience’s first reaction is to laugh. Fast paced martial arts can be used for wonderful physical humor (see: the legendary career of Jackie Chan), and the best examples provide dual layers of entertainment: you marvel at the skill in all the ass-kicking, and cackle at the creativity in the choreography.

This is a sweet spot that filmmaker David Leitch knows well. After peppering funny moments in John Wick and Atomic Blonde at the start of his directorial career, he brilliantly utilized the action/comedy weapon that is Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool 2, and crafted some excellent physicality with the unique styles of Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham in Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw. His latest, Bullet Train, is another effort that takes aim at that particular tonal target, this time with his most expansive ensemble yet, and it’s another success. With a sensibility that could be described as early Guy Ritchie with more specific action focus, it’s a movie that is both silly and skilled and inspires its primary star in particular to do energetic and engaging work.

Based on the novel Maria Beetle by Kōtarō Isaka, the film weaves multiple narrative threads through the cars of the titular bullet train as it speeds through the country of Japan – all of the protagonists being killers with their own particular reason and motivation for being aboard. Ladybug (Brad Pitt), for example, is a hired gun who has been tasked by his handler (Sandra Bullock) to perform what sounds like a simple job: find a briefcase marked with a train sticker and steal it. What he doesn’t know, though, is that said briefcase belongs to a pair of British hit men named Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry) and Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), and that the contents include the recovered ransom for the kidnapped son (Logan Lerman) of a powerful crime lord known as The White Death.

Meanwhile, Kimura a.k.a. The Father (Andrew Koji) is on the bullet train because he is on a mission of vengeance – hunting down the person responsible for nearly killing his son by pushing the boy off of a building. What he doesn’t expect is that the individual he is looking for is a young woman identified as The Prince (Joey King), and that she has purposefully gotten him on the high speed rail with the intention of forcing him to execute an assassination attempt.

And while five killers sharing the space would be enough for most movies, Bullet Train actually has even more that pop in and surprise throughout the film’s runtime – and their roles are worth keeping as a secret pre-release.

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Bullet Train has a chaotic storyline, but the pieces properly connect as a fun puzzle.

Narratively speaking, Bullet Train is a messy movie to put together, as focus briskly ping-pongs between the different players, but everything stays in harmony as the film persistently finds ways to build on each protagonist’s arc. This is particularly cool later in the movie as different characters are drawn together from individual angles and instant conflict is generated from their simple interaction.

The film is at its best when it keeps things simple, but it does let things go off the rails at times (if you’ll pardon the pun). This is especially true as it gets into the third act and it tries to pull off stunts like one of the leads leaping from a platform on to the back of the train as it leaves a station; it’s both a problem for the “rules” of the universe and in its strained use of visual effects. The movie also frequently tries to get a bit too cute and Tarantino-esque with what are admittedly familiar-but-not-quite-stock characters – the most prominent example being an ongoing and quickly tiresome gag with Lemon explaining that he understands people through the lens of Thomas The Tank Engine.

Primarily, though, it’s a movie that is able to generate its entertainment with engaging and quippy dynamics between the members of the ensemble, both when they are talking out their issues and trying to kill one another.

David Leitch puts a lot of exciting and weird fights in a confined space, and is at its best when working with a “less is more” philosophy.

Coming from a stunt background, both as a performer and a coordinator, David Leitch’s bread and butter remains deftly and specifically choreographed action sequences, and Bullet Train proves to be a terrific challenge and opportunity for his skills. Regardless of where you are in the titular transport, space is not a luxury, and the best fights in the movie are those that are being fought only between the characters, but against the limitations provided by the location.

There are guns, knives and explosives in the mix, but Bullet Train also has some terrific “found item” moments that add spice and humor to the various showdowns, whether it’s a pocketed cell phone saving a character’s life from a blade, a laptop making for a solid cudgel, a water bottle making for a useful projectile, or a venomous snake showing up at a perfect moment.

Once again we see David Leitch work a special magic turning dramatic and comedic actors into badasses with slick and stylish moves, and while everyone shows off some terrific skills, it’s very much the Brad Pitt show at the end of the day.

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Brad Pitt’s joy in the role of Ladybug is palpable.

At the nexus of everything good in Bullet Train is Brad Pitt, who very clearly had a blast reuniting with David Leitch (who performed the actor’s stunts in films including Fight Club, The Mexican, Mr. And Mrs. Smith and Troy). He’s a joy to watch in action not just because of the talented craft he demonstrates in his physicality, but how he channels the psychology of the character. As we meet him, Ladybug is reluctantly getting back into his business following a number of important breakthroughs with his therapist, and Pitt does a fantastic job conveying that he doesn’t ever want to choose violence as a first answer – both via verbal pleas and defense-heavy moves. Action/comedy is a genre he should revisit a lot more often.

Bullet Train doesn’t aim to revolutionize hitman movies, but instead plays with a tongue-in-cheek vibe that lets you recognize the tropes and appreciate how the film plays with them. It’s a slick/goofy action movie that is both contained and wild, and a satisfying late summer release.

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Luck Review: A Spectacular Debut Film from Skydance Animation

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Luck Review: A Spectacular Debut Film from Skydance Animation

The world’s unluckiest woman enters a magical land to change the fortunes of a fellow orphan. Luck will make you smile and possibly shed a few tears. The big-budget, CGI animated fantasy shines a spotlight on needy children while telling a truly original story. An assortment of lucky critters and creatures dazzle in a spectacular setting. The highly imaginative narrative gives age-old superstitions a dynamic new spin. Luck is a brilliant first film from Skydance Animation.

Sam Greenfield (Eva Noblezada) reaches her eighteenth birthday with trepidation. She’s finally aged out of the foster care system. Sam never found her “forever family”. She spent her entire life living in orphanages. It doesn’t help that Sam has the worst luck. Everything she does or touches ends in abject disaster. Her only thoughts are for young Hazel (Adelynn Spoon), Sam’s roommate at the girls home. Sam has been set up with a job and tiny apartment. She has to stay in school and employed to remain housed.

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Sam’s first day at Marv’s (Lil Rel Howery) floral shop goes exactly as expected. She sadly eats dinner sitting on a sidewalk. Sam learns that Hazel’s weekend trip with a foster family was canceled. She gives half of her sandwich to a curious black cat. It scampers away but leaves a strange penny behind.

The following day is a revelation. Sam’s lucky penny changes everything. Her ecstatic mood sours when she loses the penny in spectacular fashion. Stewing on the sidewalk, Sam’s surprised when the black cat returns. She’s astonished when Bob (Simon Pegg) asks for his penny. The “travel penny” is the only way a creature from the Land of the Luck stays safe in the human world. She follows an unnerved Bob back through the portal to the Land of Luck. Sam has to find another lucky penny to help Hazel. Bob reluctantly agrees, but they have to be careful. Misdeeds end up in banishment to Bad Luck.

Related: Bullet Train Review: A Wickedly Funny, High-Octaine Thrill Ride

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The Land of Luck

The Land of Luck is an absolute joy to behold. Leprechauns, cats, pigs, and rabbits, lucky creatures, are the bureaucrats tasked with spreading good fortune. Bringing Sam in such a place is a recipe for absolute chaos. Bob, and his leprechaun assistant Gerry’s (Colin O’Donoghue), efforts to contain Sam’s bad luck will have audiences in stitches. I’m still chuckling at Sam’s “Latvian leprechaun” disguise; their harebrained excuse for why she’s so much bigger than everyone else.

Luck’s serious themes are artfully addressed. Sam’s lonely childhood, and her desperate efforts to change Hazel’s, brings a melancholic touch to the narrative. The film reminds us to not take love and family for granted. Every kid deserves care, nurturing, and a safe place to grow. It shouldn’t take luck or chance for a child to find a “forever home”.

Insert sigh here. Recent headlines concerning John Lasseter (Toy Story, Cars) will undoubtedly cloud this film’s release. The genius storyteller and animator behind Pixar’s success left to head Skydance Animation after awful “Me Too” allegations. He’s brought his incredible talent to Luck, and it shows. This wonderful film deserves to be judged on its own merits. Sometimes we must divorce ourselves from art and the personality of the artist.

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Luck is a production of Skydance Animation and Apple Original Films. It will have an exclusive Apple TV+ premiere on August 5th.

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